Getting help
The most effective thing you can do, if someone you care for has a problem with alcohol or other drugs is examine your responses: are you acting codependent? Are you enabling? Are you becoming sick from the other person's drinking/drugging?
If you have codependent traits you are more likely to feel confusion, low self-esteem, fear, anger, and shame. Or, paradoxically you may feel numb, unable to identify or recognize your emotions, which may be expressed in a variety of ways, such as headache, chronic pain syndromes, or compulsive behaviors. If you have the syndrome described as codependence, chances are you have problems with several of the following "core issues":
- all-or-nothing or black-or-white thinking
- a need for control of people/situations
- difficulty trusting others
- high tolerance for inappropriate behavior from others
- neglecting your own needs while looking after others'
- overdependence in relationships coupled with a fear of abandonment
- problems in maintaining intimate relationships
- problems in resolving conflict
- taking excessive responsibility for others
Learn about getting help for yourself. Learn about alcoholic family systems. Learn about enabling, detachment, establishing boundaries, assertiveness, recognizing and dealing with emotions, and common cognitive distortions.
Get some counseling or go to a support group specifically for people affected by another person's addiction (Al-Anon, Narcotics Anonymous, ACOA, CODA).
Additional resources:
- Beattie, Melody, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, Harper/Hazelden, New York, 1987.
- How Alcoholics Anonymous Works: for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous Family Group Headquarters, New York, 1995.