Codependence describes a common syndrome seen in people affected by another person's addiction. Symptoms include becoming preoccupied with the well-being of the alcohol or drug user, needing to help, control, or fix them. The person with this problem often experiences significant emotional discomfort, such as anxiety, anger, or depression and has feelings of helplessness, guilt, and shame. The codependent person tends to neglect themselves and their own needs. People with codependent traits tend to be poor at recognizing their own and other people's boundaries. They have difficulty distinguishing what is their responsibility and what is not. They often lack certain skills, such as assertiveness, identifying and expressing emotions, and conflict resolution. They tend to have trouble with maintaining intimate relationships. Fortunately, with some education and practice, codependent traits may be overcome or changed to more effective coping skills.
What is meant by "enabling"?
The natural tendency of loved ones to fix, to rescue, or comfort the suffering substance dependent person sometimes actually makes the person worse. "Enabling" is a term to describe activities that remove barriers to the addict's continued substance use. Examples of enabling include: cleaning up after the alcoholic makes a mess, calling the supervisor for your partner and making excuses when she's too hung over to go to work, making threats about unacceptable behaviors and then not following through, buying alcohol so that at least they will stay home to drink it, pouring it out, diluting it with water, pretending you don't notice, and excusing the inexcusable. These actions are called "killing them with kindness."
Remember there is only one thing that will increase the motivation of the substance dependent person enough to take meaningful action. That one thing is pain: enough discomfort from the consequences of use of their drug. Only when the discomfort outweighs the reward of the positive mood-swing caused by the drug will the addict consider changing.